Written by Carleigh Martel

The experience of grief extends beyond the death of a loved one. We can experience grief when we lose a job, a relationship, or any time we lose something we value. This blog will focus on the death of a loved one however, the strategies outlined here can be a useful practice for any person who is experiencing grief.

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What is grief?

Grief is considered everything we experience internally in response to our loss. Grief can intrude on our thoughts, emotions, physical symptoms, and even manifest as unexpected behaviours. One of the most challenging aspects of grief is that we experience it alone because it is complex and highly personal emotion.

Grief often feels like a full-time job. We experience extreme emotions such as anger, regret, deep sadness, confusion, and fear. The body experiences grief as well. Most people who are grieving experience trouble sleeping and abnormal energy levels. The body carries emotions and it can show up as muscle aches, and tightness in the throat and chest.

Many grievers struggle with headaches, digestive troubles and chest pain. Carrying all these feelings while being so physically drained is no doubt one of the most challenging times in a person’s life. We often feel as though we must put on a mask in order to carry on with our regular routines as society only leaves so much time to grieve.

What is the difference between grief and mourning?

Grief and mourning are related but distinct experiences that people often go through after a significant loss.

Grief refers to the internal experience of feelings and emotions that come with losing someone or something important. It encompasses a wide range of emotions such as sadness, anger, guilt, and despair, and can also involve physical sensations such as fatigue and changes in appetite. Grief can be a very intense and personal experience, and it can be different for every person.

Mourning on the other hand, refers to the external expressions and behaviors that come with grieving. It involves the rituals, customs, and practices that people engage in to mark their loss and to cope with their grief. This can include things like funeral services, memorials, and other ceremonies, as well as everyday acts like sharing stories and memories of the person or thing that has been lost.

In essence, grief is the internal experience of loss, while mourning is the way that people express and cope with that loss in the outside world. While grief is an inevitable and natural response to loss, mourning is a culturally and socially influenced process that can vary widely between different cultures, communities, and individuals.

The Act of Mourning

Mourning refers to the externalization or processing of grief. Externalizing grief refers to finding ways to express and process your emotions outside of yourself. This can be helpful in managing intense feelings of sadness, anger, and other emotions that can arise during the grieving process.

Here are some strategies for externalizing grief:

Therapy: A therapist can help you process and adapt to the loss in your life.
Write in a journal: Writing about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences can be a therapeutic way to process your grief. It can also be a way to preserve your memories of your loved one.
Create art: Artistic expression, such as drawing, painting, or sculpting, can be a way to channel emotions that are difficult to put into words.
Engage in physical activity: Physical activity, such as running, hiking, or yoga, can be a way to release pent-up emotions and reduce stress.
Seek support from others: Talking with friends, family members, or a therapist can bea way to externalize your emotions and receive support and understanding. Joining a support group can also be a helpful way to connect with others who are going through similar experiences.
Memorialize your loved one: Creating a memorial or tribute, such as a scrapbook or photo album, can be a way to remember your loved one and honor their memory.

These are just a few examples of ways to externalize grief. It’s important to find what works best for you and what feels most healing and empowering. Remember that grief is a personal and unique experience, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.

How can I support myself, or others who are grieving?

The length and intensity of the grieving process can vary from person to person, and there is no set timeline for grieving. It’s important to understand that everyone experiences loss differently and that there is no right or wrong way to mourn. Seeking support from loved ones, participating in self-care activities, and reaching out to a mental health professional can be helpful in navigating the grieving process.